I had one of those mornings today – the girl woke up late and took her own sweet time to do everything and I had to literally scream at her to finish her food. We missed the usual bus we take to school anyway and I had to bring her via the stroller with lil boy strapped on my trusty carrier. We reach the school, she sighs and doesn’t give the usual goodbye kiss. When I finally sit down for my lunch, I took some time to think about the morning events and I started to think… about my little girl.
I love to hear those saccharine-sweet requests about doing art or practising the piano and I love to see that silly grin of pride on her face when she manages to play the tune correctly or when she creates a piece of art.
I love those moments at night when after I’ve tucked her to bed, she’d sneak over quietly to my bed and whisper, ‘Mummy, I forgot to give you a hug and kiss’ when we already had many hugs and kisses over at her tiny bed. And she’d do this more than once sometimes.
I love the way she tries to bargain for an extra bedtime story when she’s already had one.
I love those moments when she’d ask, ‘Mummy, can you walk me back to my bed? Alicia cannot see in the dark’ and I’d hold her little hand and bring her to her bed.
I love those moments when after I’ve walked her back to her bed and she sits down on her bed and asks, ‘Mummy, are you going to sleep with me on my bed?’ but I’d tell her ‘no’ because her bed is so small. But really, sometimes I’m just rushing off to lie on my bed (finally!) and have some time to myself to check my Facebook and play silly iPhone games.
Today, when I think of all that I love about her, I realise that I’d really miss all these moments with her when she grows up and no longer asks mummy to sleep with her, or hug or kiss her or read that last bedtime story with her. I take it for granted that she’d continue to ask all these of me, but today I start to wonder (and fear) when mummy will be relegated to second place. I tell myself, I need to look beyond her faults and love her for the way she is now. Sure she eats like a snail and is a rude, petty girl sometimes. At the end of the day, I know she’ll always be my little darling and it really is no big matter to be late for preschool occasionally.
And me-time can wait. I will have lots of me-time when my kids grow up and mummy is no longer the centre of their universe.
So tonight, I’m going to chuck my phone aside and I’m going to lie down with her in her puny bed and read that extra bedtime story.
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